目录与前言 Contents & Foreword

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Foreword

前言

“Nonmonogamy is not utopia,” write Eve Rickert and Andrea Zanin in More Than Two, Second Edition. I laughed; no kidding! Yet, they also write, in nonmonogamous relationships “You have more of everything you get from romantic relationships—more companionship, more advice, more joy, more love.” Rickert and Zanin are clear about the benefits and challenges of living nonmonogamously in a society that has been set up to prohibit or inhibit, at every legal and social turn, open, accepted nonmonogamous relating.

“非单偶制不是乌托邦，”伊芙·里克特和安德莉亚·扎宁在《多于两人》第二版中写道。我笑了；这不废话嘛！然而，她们也写道，在非单偶制关系中，“你从浪漫关系中得到的一切都会更多——更多的陪伴、更多的建议、更多的快乐、更多的爱。”里克特和扎宁清楚地阐述了在一个法律和社会各个层面都禁止或抑制公开、受认可的非单偶制关系的社会中，过着非单偶制生活的好处与挑战。

Rickert and Zanin are experienced nonmonogamists; Zanin is now “post-nonmonogamous.” The authors write in supportive voices that many readers will find edifying, whether one is a new or experienced nonmonogamist, a monogamous reader, or even someone like me, who after a decade of practising solo polyamory, now calls myself “more-than-monogamous.” I have expanded my relationship focus beyond both monogamy and nonmonogamy as I focus on not putting human loves into a hierarchy over the nonhuman relations that sustain my body and soul. For example, I recently coined the term poly-river-amory, both playfully and seriously as I became post-nonmonogamous like Zanin and also recognized the profound influence of my multiple river loves on how I have always related to human loves. Rivers are both here and away, both committed to place and always travelling. I do not have more than one human sexual/romantic love now, but I continue to consider all of my relationships according to values and practices that exceed the restrictions of normative monogamy and family, and the ideals of compulsory sex, marriage, settlement in place and the relationship escalator. (You may need the glossary near the end of this book to read this foreword, too!)

里克特和扎宁是经验丰富的非单偶制者；扎宁现在是“后非单偶制者”(post-nonmonogamous)。作者们以支持性的口吻写作，这会让许多读者感到受益匪浅，无论你是新的还是有经验的非单偶制者，是单偶制读者，甚至像我这样的人——在实践了十年的独身多边恋 (solo polyamory) 之后，现在自称为“超越单偶制者”(more-than-monogamous)。我已经将我的关系焦点扩展到了单偶制和非单偶制之外，因为我专注于不将人类之爱置于维持我身心的非人类关系之上。例如，我最近创造了“多河之恋”(poly-river-amory) 这个术语，既是玩笑也是认真的，因为我像扎宁一样成为了后非单偶制者，同时也认识到我对多条河流的热爱深刻地影响了我一直以来与人类之爱的关系。河流既在这里又在远方，既忠于一地又总在奔流。我现在没有超过一个人类性/浪漫爱人，但我继续根据超越规范性单偶制和家庭限制的价值观和实践来考量我所有的关系，也超越了强制性性行为、婚姻、定居和关系自动扶梯 (relationship escalator) 的理想。（读这篇前言，你可能也需要查阅书末的词汇表！）

Rickert and Zanin focus on relationships between more than two humans, but there is much here for this poly-river-amorist, and for so many of you diverse humans with your bountiful relationship desires. The authors question not only compulsory monogamy, but also the compulsory alignment of sex and romance with coupledom or more than coupledom. While emphasizing how to manage nonmonogamy and how or why to choose it or not choose it, More Than Two also supports more than two relationship possibilities, monogamy vs. nonmonogamy. The authors help their readers see past restrictive patriarchal, colonial and capitalist ideas about how love and family are “supposed” to look.

里克特和扎宁关注的是多于两人之间的人类关系，但对于我这个“多河之恋者”，以及对于拥有丰富关系渴望的形形色色的你们来说，这里有很多值得借鉴的内容。作者不仅质疑强制性单偶制，也质疑性与浪漫必须与伴侣关系（或是超越伴侣的关系）强制结盟的观念。在强调如何管理非单偶制以及如何或为何选择或不选择它时，《多于两人》也支持多于两种关系的可能性，即单偶制与非单偶制之外的可能。作者帮助读者看穿那些限制性的父权制、殖民主义和资本主义关于爱和家庭“应该”是什么样子的观念。

When I began writing The Critical Polyamorist blog in 2013, I knew that I was experimenting with polyamory until I could forge a language that better captures, perhaps Indigenizes, more-than-monogamous relating. I started the blog as an Indigenous Studies scholar and as a Dakota woman in search of relationship possibilities grounded in age-old Dakota extended kinship practices and also in newer possibilities that resist settler-colonial norms related to sex, marriage and family. I live in both Canada and the United States; I study both countries in which Indigenous and all people have been railroaded into relationship forms that benefit the settler-colonial state with its private-property fetish. The United States and Canada, in order to facilitate settlement and expansion of their borders, scripted stories about how love, romance and family are supposed to work. At the same time, both countries made illegal Indigenous and other diverse family forms. Settler laws governing land ownership, private property and inheritance went hand in hand with the development of new norms of compulsory monogamy, marriage and heterosexuality. Even when breaking past some of the limits of heteropatriarchy in how we make love and family, many of us still find ourselves bound within heavily scripted, mononormative, propertied and hierarchical bonds in our relationships of many kinds.

当我在 2013 年开始撰写《批判性多边恋者》(The Critical Polyamorist) 博客时，我知道我是在尝试多边恋，直到我能创造出一种能更好地捕捉、或许能使其本土化 (Indigenizes) 的“超越单偶制”关系的语言。我以原住民研究学者和达科他 (Dakota) 女性的身份开设了这个博客，寻找植根于古老的达科他大家族实践以及抵制与性、婚姻和家庭相关的定居者殖民规范的新关系可能性。我生活在加拿大和美国；我研究这两个国家，在这些国家里，原住民和所有人都被迫接受有利于定居者殖民国家及其私有财产拜物教的关系形式。美国和加拿大为了促进定居和扩张边界，编写了关于爱、浪漫和家庭应该如何运作的故事。与此同时，这两个国家都将原住民和其他多样化的家庭形式定为非法。管理土地所有权、私有财产和继承的定居者法律，与强制性单偶制、婚姻和异性恋新规范的发展齐头并进。即使在如何做爱和组建家庭方面突破了异性恋父权制的一些限制，我们中的许多人仍然发现自己被束缚在各种关系中那些被严格编排的、单偶常态的 (mononormative)、基于财产的和等级制的纽带之中。

In place of dominant and oppressive-for-so-many relationship norms, Eve Rickert and Andrea Zanin offer abundant possibilities that not only disrupt those norms, but better meet the desires, needs, skills and life conditions of the individual humans who are trying to love and relate as best we can in this challenging world. For those of you who are nonmonogamous, you will find practical advice and reassurance in this book. You may also feel challenged to do better. The same goes for those of you who are monogamous, but who want to push against mononormativity. And for those of us who are post-nonmonogamous, even poly-river-amorous like myself, or who are out there forging new languages and ways of loving and relating, there is learning for us too in these pages. I wish you all good reading and good relating.

取代替代那些占主导地位且压迫许多人的关系规范，伊芙·里克特和安德莉亚·扎宁提供了丰富的可能性，这些可能性不仅打破了那些规范，而且更好地满足了那些在这个充满挑战的世界中尽力去爱和建立关系的个体人类的欲望、需求、技能和生活条件。对于你们当中的非单偶制者，你们会在书中找到实用的建议和慰藉。你们也可能会感到要把这一关系做得更好的挑战。对于那些虽是单偶制者但想要反抗单偶常态的人来说，也是如此。对于我们这些后非单偶制者，甚至像我这样的多河之恋者，或者是那些在外面创造新的语言和爱与关系方式的人来说，这些书页中也有我们要学习的东西。祝大家阅读愉快，关系美满。

KIM TALLBEAR Amiskwaciwâskahikan (Edmonton, Alberta) and Los Angeles, California

金·塔贝尔 (KIM TALLBEAR) Amiskwaciwâskahikan（艾伯塔省埃 varying 蒙顿）与加利福尼亚州洛杉矶