Resources 资源
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There’s a lot out there on nonmonogamy, as well as the skills—such as communication and cultivating healthy self-esteem—that are useful in relationships of all kinds, including nonmonogamous ones. There’s also a wealth of information on the history and philosophy of nonmonogamy, as well as some (though not as much as we’d like) about mononormativity and amatonormativity. With the list below, we’ve tried to present a few of the standouts in each category, organized by date of publication, with the most recent resources listed first.
关于非单偶制，以及对各种关系（包括非单偶制关系）都有用的技能（如沟通和培养健康的自尊）的资料非常多。关于非单偶制的历史和哲学也有丰富的信息，以及一些（虽然没有我们希望的那么多）关于单偶常态和恋爱常态的信息。在下面的列表中，我们试图展示每个类别中的一些杰出作品，按出版日期排列，最近的资源列在最前面。
ETHICS 伦理
Ask Yourself: The Consent Culture Workbook, Kitty Stryker (Thornapple Press, 2023). A guide to take you through an introspective process that can help you understand what consent means to you in your life and help you build consent culture in your world. 《问你自己：知情同意文化练习册》，凯蒂·斯特赖克 (Thornapple Press, 2023)。一本指南，带你经历内省过程，帮助你理解同意在你生活中意味着什么，并帮助你在你的世界中建立知情同意文化。
Let This Radicalize You: Organizing and the Revolution of Reciprocal Care, Kelly Hayes and Mariame Kaba (Haymarket Books, 2023). A practical and compassionate guide to grassroots political organizing, this book also offers a wealth of insight on how to build community and be in good relationship with one another. 《让这激进你：组织与互惠关怀的革命》，凯利·海耶斯和玛丽亚姆·卡巴 (Haymarket Books, 2023)。一本关于基层政治组织的实用且富有同情心的指南，这本书也提供了关于如何建立社区和彼此保持良好关系的丰富见解。
I Hope We Choose Love: A Trans Girl’s Notes from the End of the World, Kai Cheng Thom (Arsenal Pulp Press, 2019). Reflections on love, care and heartbreak in queer communities. 《我希望我们选择爱：一位跨性别女孩的世界末日笔记》，Kai Cheng Thom (Arsenal Pulp Press, 2019)。关于酷儿社区中爱、关怀和心碎的反思。
Turn This World Inside Out: The Emergence of Nurturance Culture, Nora Samaran (AK Press, 2019). A thoughtful and compassionate call to remake your communities and your culture on models of care and accountability. 《把这个世界翻过来：滋养文化的出现》，诺拉·萨马兰 (AK Press, 2019)。一个深思熟虑和富有同情心的呼吁，以关怀和问责制的模式重塑你的社区和文化。
Love’s Not Color Blind: Race and Representation in Polyamorous and Other Alternative Communities, Kevin A. Patterson (Thornapple Press, 2018). A book that applies to all kinds of alternative communities but unpacks the race dynamics of many nonmonogamous communities specifically, and offers strategies for creating more inclusive spaces. 《爱不色盲：多边恋和其他另类社区中的种族与代表》，凯文·A·帕特森 (Thornapple Press, 2018)。这本书适用于各种另类社区，但特别剖析了许多非单偶制社区的种族动态，并提供了创建更具包容性空间的策略。
Emergent Strategy: Shaping Change, Changing Worlds, adrienne maree brown (AK Press, 2017). Meditations on transforming your relationships and the worlds you can imagine as the basis for transforming the world. 《涌现策略：塑造变革，改变世界》，阿德里安娜·玛丽·布朗 (AK Press, 2017)。关于通过转变你的人际关系和你所能想象的世界来作为改变世界的基础的沉思。
Braiding Sweetgrass: Indigenous Wisdom, Scientific Knowledge and the Teachings of Plants, Robin Wall Kimmerer (Milkweed Editions, 2015). Through a blend of memoir, scientific anecdotes and traditional knowledge, Kimmerer offers reflections on how you can live in reciprocal relationships with other people and the natural world. 《编织香草：原住民智慧、科学知识与植物的教诲》，罗宾·沃尔·基默尔 (Milkweed Editions, 2015)。通过融合回忆录、科学轶事和传统知识，基默尔提供了关于如何与他人和自然世界生活在互惠关系中的反思。
SELF 自我
Falling Back in Love with Being Human: Letters to Lost Souls, Kai Cheng Thom (Penguin, 2023). Poetic letters to people who are socially constructed as monsters, with suggestions for deep kinds of self-care and reconnection for all those who have felt rejected or harmed. 《重新爱上生而为人：给迷失灵魂的信》，Kai Cheng Thom (Penguin, 2023)。给那些被社会构建为怪物的人的诗意信件，为所有感到被拒绝或伤害的人提供了深层自我关怀和重新连接的建议。
The Gifts of Imperfection: Let Go of Who You Think You’re Supposed to Be and Embrace Who You Are, Brené Brown (Hazelden, 2010). A small but life-changing, evidence-based book on confronting insecurity, believing in your own worthiness and living what Brown calls “wholehearted” lives. 《不完美的礼物：放下你认为你应该成为的样子，拥抱你本来的样子》，布琳·布朗 (Hazelden, 2010)。一本小而改变生活、基于证据的书，关于对抗不安全感、相信自己的价值以及过上布朗所说的“全心全意”的生活。
Hello, Cruel World: 101 Alternatives to Suicide for Teens, Freaks and Other Outlaws, Kate Bornstein (Seven Stories Press, 2006). A powerful list of 101 alternatives to suicide, rated by how dangerous they are and how effective they are, from a deeply kind trans writer who’s been there. 《你好，残酷的世界：给青少年、怪胎和其他法外之徒的 101 种自杀替代方案》，凯特·伯恩斯坦 (Seven Stories Press, 2006)。一份有力的 101 种自杀替代方案清单，按危险程度和有效程度评级，来自一位深具善意且有过亲身经历的跨性别作家。
RELATIONSHIPS 关系
Cultivating Connection: A Practical Guide for Personal and Relationship Growth in Ethical NonMonogamy, Sander T. Jones (Cast Net Books, 2023). A therapist’s guide to working on yourself, understanding boundaries, handling triggers and establishing good communication in relationships, with a particular focus on nonmonogamy. 《培养连接：道德非单偶制中个人和关系成长的实用指南》，桑德·T·琼斯 (Cast Net Books, 2023)。一本治疗师指南，关于自我修养、理解界限、处理触发因素以及在关系中建立良好沟通，特别关注非单偶制。
In It Together: Navigating Depression with Partners, Friends and Family, JoEllen Notte (Thornapple, 2023). A practical guidebook for people with depression and those who love them or are part of their communities. 《同舟共济：与伴侣、朋友和家人一起驾驭抑郁》，乔艾伦·诺特 (Thornapple, 2023)。一本给抑郁症患者以及爱他们或属于他们社区的人的实用指南。
On Repentance and Repair: Making Amends in an Unapologetic World, Danya Ruttenberg (Beacon Press, 2022). A new look at atonement, forgiveness and repair from harm, including both interpersonal and larger cultural issues. 《论悔改与修复：在一个不道歉的世界中做出弥补》，丹雅·鲁滕伯格 (Beacon Press, 2022)。对赎罪、宽恕和伤害修复的新看法，包括人际关系和更大的文化问题。
Sad Love: Romance and the Search for Meaning, Carrie Jenkins (Polity, 2022). A philosophical argument against the pursuit of happiness in love and toward the pursuit of a meaningful life, in part through the idea of eudaimonic love—collaborative, creative and dynamic. 《悲伤的爱：浪漫与寻找意义》，凯莉·詹金斯 (Polity, 2022)。反对在爱情中追求幸福、主张追求有意义生活的哲学论证，部分通过幸福论之爱——协作、创造和动态——的理念。
Daring Greatly: How the Courage to Be Vulnerable Transforms the Way We Live, Love, Parent, and Lead, Brené Brown (Penguin, 2012). About expressing courage in all your relationships and throughout your life by daring to be your most authentic self. 《勇敢的力量：脆弱的勇气如何改变我们生活、爱、养育和领导的方式》，布琳·布朗 (Penguin, 2012)。关于通过敢于做最真实的自己，在你的所有关系和整个生活中表达勇气。
The Dance of Connection: How to Talk to Someone When You’re Mad, Hurt, Scared, Frustrated, Insulted, Betrayed, or Desperate, Harriet Lerner (HarperCollins, 2009). Excellent techniques for high-stakes communication in any kind of relationship and in emotionally charged situations. 《连接之舞：当你生气、受伤、害怕、沮丧、受辱、被背叛或绝望时如何与人交谈》，哈丽特·勒纳 (HarperCollins, 2009)。任何类型的关系和情绪激动的情况下进行高风险沟通的绝佳技巧。
All About Love: New Visions, bell hooks (HarperCollins, 2001). Wisdom about the nature of love. Focused on monogamous heterosexual relationships, but some insights are broadly applicable. 《关于爱的一切：新视野》，贝尔·胡克斯 (HarperCollins, 2001)。关于爱本质的智慧。专注于单偶制异性恋关系，但一些见解具有广泛适用性。
Too Good to Leave, Too Bad to Stay: A Step-by-Step Guide to Help You Decide Whether to Stay In or Get Out of Your Relationship, Mira Kirshenbaum (Plume, 1997). A set of 36 yes-or-no questions to answer to help you decide whether to stay or go. Focused on cishet relationships and presumed monogamy, but applies more broadly. 《太好而不能离开，太坏而不能留下：帮助你决定是留下还是离开关系的分步指南》，米拉·克申鲍姆 (Plume, 1997)。一套 36 个是非题，帮助你决定去留。专注于顺性别异性恋关系和假定的单偶制，但也适用于更广泛的情况。
The Dance of Intimacy: A Woman’s Guide to Courageous Acts of Change in Key Relationships, Harriet Lerner (Harper Perennial, 1989). A classic book, geared at women but useful for everyone, on maintaining clear boundaries and a strong self while building intimacy in relationships. 《亲密之舞：女性在关键关系中勇敢改变的指南》，哈丽特·勒纳 (Harper Perennial, 1989)。一本经典书籍，针对女性但对每个人都有用，关于在关系中建立亲密感的同时保持清晰的界限和强大的自我。
ABUSE 虐待
On Gaslighting, Kate Abramson (Princeton University Press, 2024). A philosophical breakdown of what gaslighting is, how it works, and why it’s a special kind of terrible. 《论煤气灯效应》，凯特·艾布拉姆森 (Princeton University Press, 2024)。对煤气灯效应是什么、它是如何运作的以及为什么它是一种特殊的可怕的哲学分析。
Creative Interventions Toolkit: A Practical Guide to Stop Interpersonal Violence, Creative Interventions. (AK Press, 2021). Filled with practical exercises, worksheets and examples, this is a comprehensive guide to preventing and responding to abuse within communities. 《创造性干预工具包：制止人际暴力的实用指南》，Creative Interventions (AK Press, 2021)。充满了实用练习、工作表和例子，这是一本关于在社区内预防和应对虐待的综合指南。
The Gift of Fear: Survival Signals That Protect Us from Violence, Gavin de Becker (Back Bay Books, 2021). Insightful examination of how your instincts work to warn you of danger, how to better listen to and act on them, and how to notice the ways you are already making choices toward your safety instead of blaming yourself if you fall victim to violence. 《恐惧的礼物：保护我们免受暴力的生存信号》，加文·德·贝克尔 (Back Bay Books, 2021)。深入考察你的直觉如何运作以警告你危险，如何更好地倾听并采取行动，以及如何注意你已经在为了你的安全做出选择的方式，而不是如果你成为暴力的受害者就责怪自己。
Terror, Love and Brainwashing: Attachment in Cults and Totalitarian Systems, Alexandra Stein (Routledge, 2021). Describes the psychological mechanisms behind interpersonal systems of control, explaining how survivors of abuse, especially in groups and cults, can be manipulated into belief systems and behaviour that seem inexplicable from the outside. 《恐怖、爱与洗脑：邪教和极权系统中的依恋》，亚历山德拉·斯坦 (Routledge, 2021)。描述了人际控制系统背后的心理机制，解释了虐待幸存者，特别是在团体和邪教中，如何被操纵进入从外部看来无法解释的信仰体系和行为。
Beyond Survival: Strategies and Stories from the Transformative Justice Movement, edited by Ejeris Dixon and Leah Lakshmi Piepzna-Samarasinha (AK Press, 2020). An anthology of real-life ideas, stories and strategies from people working to address interpersonal violence at the community level. 《超越生存：变革性正义运动的策略与故事》，Ejeris Dixon 和 Leah Lakshmi Piepzna-Samarasinha 编辑 (AK Press, 2020)。一本关于在社区层面致力于解决人际暴力的人们的现实生活理念、故事和策略的选集。
Disrupting the Bystander: When #MeToo Happens Among Friends, A.V. Flox (Thorntree Press, 2019). A guide to responding to abuse specifically written for friends and community members of the survivor. 《扰乱旁观者：当 #MeToo 发生在朋友之间》，A.V. Flox (Thorntree Press, 2019)。一本专门为幸存者的朋友和社区成员编写的应对虐待的指南。
Stop Signs: Recognizing, Avoiding, and Escaping Abusive Relationships, Lynn Fairweather (Seal Press, 2012). Practical and compassionate insights about abuse and what to do if you’re being abused. Focused on cishet women and presumed monogamy, but much of it applies more broadly. 《停止标志：识别、避免和逃离虐待关系》，林恩·费尔韦瑟 (Seal Press, 2012)。关于虐待以及如果你被虐待该怎么办的实用和富有同情心的见解。专注于顺性别异性恋女性和假定的单偶制，但大部分内容适用于更广泛的情况。
The Revolution Starts at Home: Confronting Intimate Violence Within Activist Communities, edited by Ching-In Chen, Jai Dulani and Leah Lakshmi Piepzna-Samarasinha (South End Press, 2011). Case studies showing different approaches to addressing interpersonal harm in communities. Note that this book is controversial in many circles, as some of the case studies are viewed as enabling or compounding harm. Worth reading, but with a critical eye. 《革命始于家庭：对抗激进社区内的人际暴力》，Ching-In Chen, Jai Dulani 和 Leah Lakshmi Piepzna-Samarasinha 编辑 (South End Press, 2011)。展示解决社区人际伤害的不同方法的案例研究。请注意，这本书在许多圈子里都有争议，因为一些案例研究被视为助长或加剧伤害。值得一读，但要带着批判的眼光。
Why Does He Do That? Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men, Lundy Bancroft (Penguin Group, 2002). Widely recognized as the most essential text on recognizing, understanding and addressing misogynistic abuse. 《他通过什么这样做？愤怒和控制型男人的内心世界》，伦迪·班克罗夫特 (Penguin Group, 2002)。被广泛认为是关于识别、理解和解决厌女虐待的最重要文本。
Emotional Blackmail: When the People in Your Life Use Fear, Obligation, and Guilt to Manipulate You, Susan Forward and Donna Frazier (William Morrow, 1998). A primer on recognizing and dealing with emotional manipulation and blackmail in romantic relationships. 《情感勒索：当你生活中的人用恐惧、义务和内疚来操纵你时》，苏珊·福沃德和唐娜·弗雷泽 (William Morrow, 1998)。关于识别和处理浪漫关系中的情感操纵和勒索的入门书。
The Network/La Red, https://www.tnlr.org/. Survivor-led support for people experiencing intimate partner abuse. Kink-, queer-and nonmonogamy-friendly. The Network/La Red, https://www.tnlr.org/。幸存者领导的支持，面向遭受亲密伴侣虐待的人。对性癖、酷儿和非单偶制友好。
NONMONOGAMY 非单偶制
The Other Significant Others: Reimagining Life with Friendship at the Center, Rhaina Cohen (St Martin’s Press, 2024). An examination of various ways people are building their lives around attached relationships with people who aren’t romantic or sexual partners. 《其他重要他人：以友谊为中心重构生活》，瑞娜·科恩 (St Martin’s Press, 2024)。考察人们围绕与非浪漫或性伴侣的依恋关系建立生活的各种方式。
A Polyamory Devotional: 365 Daily Reflections for the Consensually Nonmonogamous, Evita “Lavitaloca” Sawyers (Thornapple Press, 2023). As the title says, 365 short reflections on a wide range of issues in nonmonogamy, from jealousy to metamour relationships to commitment and self-care. 《多边恋灵修：给合意非单偶制者的 365 每日反思》，艾薇塔·“拉维塔洛卡”·索耶斯 (Thornapple Press, 2023)。如标题所示，365 篇关于非单偶制中广泛问题的简短反思，从嫉妒到表侣关系再到承诺和自我关怀。
Polywise: A Deeper Dive into Navigating Open Relationships, Jessica Fern and David Cooley (Thornapple Press, 2023). Insights into the paradigm shifts that commonly occur when people enter nonmonogamy and how to navigate them. Focused on the opening of previously coupled relationships. 《多边智慧：深入探索驾驭开放关系》，杰西卡·弗恩和戴维·库利 (Thornapple Press, 2023)。关于人们进入非单偶制时通常发生的范式转变以及如何驾驭它们的见解。专注于以前耦合关系的开放。
The Anxious Person’s Guide to Nonmonogamy: Your Guide to Open Relationships, Polyamory and Letting Go, Lola Phoenix (Jessica Kingsley Publishers, 2022). A realistic and practical guide focused on the emotional experiences of nonmonogamy. 《焦虑人士的非单偶制指南：开放关系、多边恋和放手指南》，洛拉·菲尼克斯 (Jessica Kingsley Publishers, 2022)。一本专注于非单偶制情感体验的现实且实用的指南。
Polysecure: Attachment, Trauma and Consensual Nonmonogamy, Jessica Fern (Thornapple Press, 2020). A groundbreaking book applying attachment theory to the context of nonmonogamous relationships. 《多边安全：依恋、创伤与合意非单偶制》，杰西卡·弗恩 (Thornapple Press, 2020)。一本将依恋理论应用于非单偶制关系背景的开创性著作。
“Making Love and Relations Beyond Settler Sex and Family,” Kim TallBear, in Making Kin Not Population: Reconceiving Generations, edited by Adele E. Clarke and Donna Haraway, 145–164 (University of Chicago Press, 2018). An exploration of an Indigenous perspective on (and beyond) nonmonogamy and how it lines up with Indigenous ways of life and concepts of kinship. “超越定居者性与家庭的爱与关系”，金·塔贝尔，载于《制造亲属而非人口：重新构想世代》，阿黛尔·E·克拉克和唐娜·哈拉维编辑，145–164 (University of Chicago Press, 2018)。探索原住民关于非单偶制（及超越）的视角，以及它如何与原住民的生活方式和亲属关系概念相一致。
It’s Called Polyamory: Coming Out About Your Nonmonogamous Relationships, Tamara Pincus and Rebecca Hiles (Szymborski) (Thornapple Press, 2017). Just what it says on the tin: a comprehensive guide all about coming out, written by two nonmonogamous therapists. 《这就叫多边恋：关于你的非单偶制关系的出柜》，塔玛拉·平卡斯和丽贝卡·海尔斯 (辛博尔斯基) (Thornapple Press, 2017)。名副其实：一本关于出柜的综合指南，由两位非单偶制治疗师撰写。
Playing Fair: A Guide to Nonmonogamy for Men into Women, Pepper Mint (Thornapple Press, 2017). A short and sweet handbook specifically for men seeking nonmonogamous relationships with women. 《公平游戏：给喜欢女性的男性的非单偶制指南》，佩珀·明特 (Thornapple Press, 2017)。一本专门为寻求与女性建立非单偶制关系的男性编写的简短而甜蜜的手册。
Stepping Off the Relationship Escalator: Uncommon Love and Life, Amy Gahran (Off the Escalator Enterprises LLC, 2017). Presents the idea of the relationship escalator, how it works, and what ways people are choosing to step off it and into other kinds of relationship models. 《走下关系自动扶梯：不寻常的爱与生活》，艾米·加兰 (Off the Escalator Enterprises LLC, 2017)。介绍了关系自动扶梯的概念、它是如何运作的，以及人们选择以何种方式走下它并进入其他类型的关系模式。
What Love Is (and What It Could Be), Carrie Jenkins (Basic Books, 2017). A philosophical exploration of the need to reimagine your views and expectations of romantic love. Focused on nonmonogamy as a test case for what people think love can be. 《爱是什么（以及它可能是什么）》，凯莉·詹金斯 (Basic Books, 2017)。对重新构想你对浪漫之爱的看法和期望的必要性的哲学探索。聚焦于非单偶制作为人们认为爱可能是什么的测试案例。
Polyamory and Pregnancy and The Polyamorous Home, Jess Mahler (independently published, 2013 and 2017). Short, practical guides covering all the details of bringing a new baby into a polycule and exploring the options and practicalities of living arrangements among polyamorous folks. 《多边恋与怀孕》和《多边恋家庭》，杰丝·马勒（独立出版，2013 年和 2017 年）。涵盖将新宝宝带入多边关系网络的所有细节，以及探索多边恋人群中生活安排的选择和实用性的简短实用指南。
Redefining Our Relationships: Guidelines for Responsible Open Relationships, Wendy-O Matik (Defiant Times Press, 2002). A tiny manifesto on abandoning the relationship escalator and creating intentional, honest nonmonogamous relationships. 《重新定义我们的关系：负责任的开放关系指南》，温迪-O·马蒂克 (Defiant Times Press, 2002)。关于放弃关系自动扶梯和建立有意的、诚实的非单偶制关系的微型宣言。
The More Than Two Essentials series, various authors (Thornapple Press, ongoing). A series of bite-sized books focused on topics in nonmonogamy, including neurodivergence, happiness, sex work, death and many more. Listed at morethantwo.ca. 《多于两人精华》系列，多位作者 (Thornapple Press，进行中)。一系列专注于非单偶制主题的短篇书籍，包括神经差异、幸福、性工作、死亡等等。列于 morethantwo.ca。
SEX, CONSENT AND PLEASURE 性、同意与快乐
Come Together: The Science (and Art!) of Creating Lasting Sexual Connections, Emily Nagoski (Ballantine Books, 2024). More great science-backed advice, this time on long-term sexual relationships. 《聚在一起：创造持久性连接的科学（与艺术！）》，艾米丽·纳戈斯基 (Ballantine Books, 2024)。更多有科学依据的好建议，这次是关于长期性关系的。
How Do I Sexy? A Guide for Trans and Nonbinary Queers, Mx. Nillin Lore (Thornapple Press, 2024). A guide for trans and nonbinary queers struggling to find their sexual selves in a landscape rife with misogynistic, transphobic and homophobic ideals and expectations. 《我如何性感？跨性别和非二元酷儿指南》，Mx. Nillin Lore (Thornapple Press, 2024)。一本为在充满厌女症、恐跨症和恐同症理想和期望的环境中努力寻找自己性自我的跨性别和非二元酷儿编写的指南。
Desire: An Inclusive Guide to Navigating Libido Differences in Relationships, Lauren Fogel Mersy and Jennifer A. Vencill (Beacon Press, 2023). A thorough examination of how desire works, why desire discrepancy arises in relationships and what to do about it. 《欲望：驾驭关系中性欲差异的包容性指南》，劳伦·福格尔·默西和珍妮弗·A·文西尔 (Beacon Press, 2023)。彻底检查欲望如何运作，为什么关系中会出现欲望差异以及该怎么办。
Park Cruising: What Happens When We Wander Off the Path, Marcus McCann (House of Anansi Press, 2023). A poetic and political exploration of the gay park cruising subculture, its beauty and value, and the places it intersects with police repression and social opprobrium. 《公园巡游：当我们偏离路径时会发生什么》，马库斯·麦肯 (House of Anansi Press, 2023)。对同性恋公园巡游亚文化、其美丽和价值以及它与警察镇压和社会指责相交汇的地方的诗意和政治探索。
An Intersectional Approach to Sex Therapy: Centering the Lives of Indigenous, Racialized, and People of Color, edited by Reece M. Malone, Marla Renee Stewart, Mariotta Gary-Smith and James C. Wadley (Routledge, 2022). Fresh perspectives on sex and sexuality (it’s not just for therapists!). Kink-, queer-and nonmonogamy-inclusive. 《性治疗的交叉方法：以原住民、种族化和有色人种的生活为中心》，Reece M. Malone, Marla Renee Stewart, Mariotta Gary-Smith 和 James C. Wadley 编辑 (Routledge, 2022)。关于性和性欲的新视角（不仅仅是给治疗师的！）。包容性癖、酷儿和非单偶制。
Refusing Compulsory Sexuality: A Black Asexual Lens on Our Sex-Obsessed Culture, Sherronda J. Brown (North Atlantic Books, 2022). A scholarly argument for making space for asexuality as a key element of a consent-based culture. 《拒绝强制性性行为：从黑人无性恋视角看我们沉迷于性的文化》，Sherronda J. Brown (North Atlantic Books, 2022)。一个学术论点，主张为无性恋腾出空间，作为基于同意的文化的关键要素。
Come As You Are, Revised and Updated: The Surprising New Science That Will Transform Your Sex Life, Emily Nagoski (Simon & Schuster, 2021). Crucial information, delivered in accessible prose, about desire discrepancy, arousal nonconcordance, sexual “accelerators” and “brakes,” and the effects of stress on your sex life. 《原本的你，修订更新版：将改变你性生活的惊人新科学》，艾米丽·纳戈斯基 (Simon & Schuster, 2021)。关于欲望差异、唤起不一致、性“油门”和“刹车”以及压力对性生活影响的关键信息，以通俗易懂的散文传达。
The Ultimate Guide to Threesomes, Stella Harris (Cleis Press, 2021). Practical advice on how to become “a threesome person” and navigate the joys and challenges of group sex. 《三人行终极指南》，斯特拉·哈里斯 (Cleis Press, 2021)。关于如何成为“三人行的人”并驾驭群交的快乐和挑战的实用建议。
The Monster Under the Bed: Sex, Depression, and the Conversations We Aren’t Having, JoEllen Notte (Thornapple Press, 2020). A heavily researched and deeply compassionate book that confronts assumptions about relationships and mental illness and offers a way forward for those struggling with depression and their partners. 《床底下的怪物：性、抑郁和我们没有进行的对话》，乔艾伦·诺特 (Thornapple Press, 2020)。一本经过大量研究并充满深切同情心的书，直面关于关系和精神疾病的假设，并为与抑郁症作斗争的人及其伴侣提供了前进的道路。
Queer BDSM Intimacies: Critical Consent and Pushing Boundaries, Robin Bauer (Palgrave Macmillan, 2014). A scholarly exploration of how consent works in queer BDSM communities, with a focus on the concept of critical consent. 《酷儿 BDSM 亲密关系：批判性同意与突破界限》，罗宾·鲍尔 (Palgrave Macmillan, 2014)。对同意在酷儿 BDSM 社区中如何运作的学术探索，重点关注批判性同意的概念。
Ecstasy Is Necessary: A Practical Guide to Sex, Relationships and Oh So Much More, Barbara Carrellas (Hay House, 2012). How to recognize ecstasy and how to cultivate it in your sexual life and relationships, but also in your everyday, mundane experiences of moving through the world. 《狂喜是必要的：性、关系及更多的实用指南》，芭芭拉·卡雷拉斯 (Hay House, 2012)。如何识别狂喜，如何在你的性生活和关系中，以及在你穿越世界的日常平凡经历中培养它。
Big Big Love, Revised: A Sex and Relationships Guide for People of Size (and Those Who Love Them), Hanne Blank (Celestial Arts, 2011). A fabulous guide to sex for fat folks. 《大大爱，修订版：给大码人士（及爱他们的人）的性与关系指南》，Hanne Blank (Celestial Arts, 2011)。一本给胖人的极好的性爱指南。
Naked at Our Age: Talking Out Loud About Senior Sex, Joan Price (Seal Press, 2011). A shame-busting practical sex guide for seniors. 《在我们这个年纪赤裸：大声谈论老年性爱》，琼·普莱斯 (Seal Press, 2011)。一本消除羞耻的老年人实用性爱指南。
The Ultimate Guide to Sex and Disability: For All of Us Who Live with Disabilities, Chronic Pain, and Illness, Miriam Kaufman, Cory Silverberg and Fran Odette (Cleis Press, 2007). An unsurpassed guide to sex for people with a range of disabilities. 《性与残疾终极指南：给所有生活在残疾、慢性疼痛和疾病中的我们》，Miriam Kaufman, Cory Silverberg 和 Fran Odette (Cleis Press, 2007)。一本无与伦比的残障人士性爱指南。
CATIE (catie.ca). A key resource on the latest research about STIs. CATIE (catie.ca)。关于 STI 最新研究的关键资源。
Public Health Agency of Canada database of disease prevention and treatment information (canada.ca/en/public-health/services/diseases.html) and Centers for Disease Control in the United States (cdc.gov/health-topics.html). Huge databases of information on a long list of illnesses. 加拿大公共卫生署疾病预防和治疗信息数据库 (canada.ca/en/public-health/services/diseases.html) 和美国疾病控制中心 (cdc.gov/health-topics.html)。关于一长串疾病的巨大信息数据库。
Consent Comes First Toronto Metropolitan, “Understanding Consent.” (Toronto Metropolitan University, https://www.torontomu.ca/sexual-violence/education/laws-of-consent-in-canada). Accessible overview of consent law in Canada. Consent Comes First Toronto Metropolitan，“理解同意”。(多伦多城市大学，https://www.torontomu.ca/sexual-violence/education/laws-of-consent-in-canada)。加拿大同意法的通俗易懂概述。
Planned Parenthood (plannedparenthood.org). Sexual health and wellness information on a wide range of topics. 计划生育协会 (plannedparenthood.org)。关于广泛主题的性健康和保健信息。
Scarleteen (scarleteen.com). Sexual health and wellness information on a wide range of topics, targeted at teens but useful for anyone. Scarleteen (scarleteen.com)。关于广泛主题的性健康和保健信息，针对青少年但对任何人都用。
KINK 性癖
Hurts So Good: The Science and Culture of Pain on Purpose, Leigh Cowart (PublicAffairs, 2021). A journalistic-slash-personal exploration of why and how people seek out the experience of pain, including BDSM but also well beyond it. 《痛并快乐着：故意痛苦的科学与文化》，利·考沃特 (PublicAffairs, 2021)。对人们为什么以及如何寻求痛苦体验的新闻兼个人探索，包括 BDSM 但也远远超出它。
Paradigms of Power: Styles of Master/Slave Relationships, edited by Raven Kaldera (Alfred Press, 2014). A thought-provoking book on M/s relationships featuring a wide range of writers, each describing their particular style of M/s. 《权力范式：主/奴关系的风格》，雷文·卡尔德拉编辑 (Alfred Press, 2014)。一本关于 M/s 关系的令人深思的书，由众多作家撰写，每位作家都描述了他们特定的 M/s 风格。
Building the Team: Cooperative Power Dynamic Relationships, Raven Kaldera and Joshua Tenpenny (Alfred Press, 2013). An overview of how to engage in a mutually beneficial, collaborative partnership that happens to be based in chosen inequality. 《建立团队：合作的权力动态关系》，雷文·卡尔德拉和约书亚·坦彭尼 (Alfred Press, 2013)。关于如何参与互惠互利、协作的伙伴关系的概述，这种关系恰好基于选择的不平等。
Leading and Supportive Love: The Truth about Dominant and Submissive Relationships, Chris M. Lyon (CreateSpace, 2012). Lays out the basics of how chosen power dynamics work and describes the general personality types of those who engage in them in a healthy way. Suggests potential problem areas and gentle solutions, and above all, validates the great potential for these relationships’ strength and durability. 《引导与支持的爱：关于支配与顺从关系的真相》，Chris M. Lyon (CreateSpace, 2012)。阐述了选择的权力动态如何运作的基础，并描述了以健康方式参与其中的人的普遍性格类型。提出了潜在的问题领域和温和的解决方案，最重要的是，证实了这些关系在强度和持久性方面的巨大潜力。
Playing Well with Others: Your Field Guide to Discovering, Exploring and Navigating the Kink, Leather and BDSM Communities, Lee Harrington and Mollena Williams (Greenery Press, 2012). A tour of the many types of kink communities and events that exist out there, and tips on how to navigate them with grace. 《与他人愉快玩耍：发现、探索和驾驭性癖、皮革和 BDSM 社区的实地指南》，李·哈林顿和莫莱娜·威廉姆斯 (Greenery Press, 2012)。对存在的多种性癖社区和活动的巡视，以及如何优雅地驾驭它们的提示。
The Ultimate Guide to Kink: BDSM, Role Play and the Erotic Edge, edited by Tristan Taormino (Cleis Press, 2012). A diverse collection of voices covering an astonishing range of kinks not often seen between the covers of a single book. Thorough! 《性癖终极指南：BDSM、角色扮演和色情边缘》，特里斯坦·陶米诺编辑 (Cleis Press, 2012)。多样化的声音集合，涵盖了惊人范围的性癖，这是在一本书中不常见的。详尽！
Conquer Me: Girl-to-Girl Wisdom about Fulfilling Your Submissive Desires, Kacie Cunningham (Greenery Press, 2010). By-and-for submission advice about day-to-day living in a full-time power relationship. More human-to-human than girl-to-girl. 《征服我：关于满足你顺从欲望的女孩对女孩的智慧》，Kacie Cunningham (Greenery Press, 2010)。关于全职权力关系中日常生活的顺从建议，由顺从者写给顺从者。与其说是女孩对女孩，不如说是人对人。
Power Circuits: Polyamory in a Power Dynamic, edited by Raven Kaldera (Alfred Press, 2010). The only book out there to address this topic in any depth, even though it is hugely relevant to a very large percentage of the people who do D/s and M/s relationships. 《权力回路：权力动态中的多边恋》，雷文·卡尔德拉编辑 (Alfred Press, 2010)。目前唯一一本深入探讨这一主题的书，尽管它与很大一部分从事 D/s 和 M/s 关系的人息息相关。
Partners in Power: Living in Kinky Relationships, Jack Rinella (Greenery Press, 2003). A thoughtful 101-level exploration of the nature of kinky relationships, how to meet people and how to get what you want. 《权力中的伙伴：生活在性癖关系中》，杰克·里内拉 (Greenery Press, 2003)。对性癖关系的性质、如何结识人以及如何得到你想要的东西的深思熟虑的入门级探索。
The Seductive Art of Japanese Bondage, Midori (Greenery Press, 2002). Beautiful pictures and clear diagrams for the beginning bondage-lover. 《日本绳艺的诱惑艺术》，Midori (Greenery Press, 2002)。为初级捆绑爱好者提供美丽的图片和清晰的图解。
Sensuous Magic: A Guide to S/M for Adventurous Couples, second edition, Patrick Califia (Cleis Press, 2001). A classic introduction to BDSM for beginners by a well-respected queer and trans veteran of the scene. 《感官魔法：给冒险夫妇的 S/M 指南》，第二版，帕特里克·卡利菲亚 (Cleis Press, 2001)。由该领域备受尊敬的酷儿和跨性别老手撰写的 BDSM 经典入门书。
MEMOIR 回忆录
A Part of the Heart Can’t Be Eaten, Tristan Taormino (Duke University Press, 2023). Memoir of a trailblazing nonmonogamous queer feminist pornographer and sex educator. 《心的一部分不能被吃掉》，特里斯坦·陶米诺 (Duke University Press, 2023)。一位开拓性的非单偶制酷儿女权主义色情制作者和性教育者的回忆录。
Open: An Uncensored Memoir of Love, Liberation, and NonMonogamy, Rachel Krantz (Harmony, 2022). Part memoir, part journalism, this story of exploring nonmonogamy for the first time also takes a hard look at dark sides of nonmonogamy such as coercion and gaslighting. 《开放：关于爱、解放和非单偶制的无审查回忆录》，雷切尔·克兰茨 (Harmony, 2022)。部分回忆录，部分新闻报道，这个初次探索非单偶制的故事也严厉审视了非单偶制的阴暗面，如胁迫和煤气灯效应。
This Heart Holds Many: My Life as the Nonbinary Millennial Child of a Polyamorous Family, Koe Creation (Thorntree Press, 2019). The first memoir written from the perspective a second-generation nonmonogamous person. 《这颗心容纳许多：我作为一个多边恋家庭的非二元千禧一代孩子的生活》，Koe Creation (Thorntree Press, 2019)。第一本从第二代非单偶制者视角写的回忆录。
Living My Life, Emma Goldman. Originally published in 1931 and 1934, it’s now available in a variety of formats, including free online at theanarchistlibrary.org/library/emma-goldman-living-my-life. The autobiography of the famed anarchist includes her explorations with nonmonogamous relationships and her ideas about “free love.” 《我的一生》，爱玛·戈德曼。最初出版于 1931 年和 1934 年，现在有多种格式，包括在 theanarchistlibrary.org/library/emma-goldman-living-my-life 上免费在线阅读。这位著名无政府主义者的自传包括她对非单偶制关系的探索以及她关于“自由恋爱”的想法。
HISTORY 历史
The Importance of Being Monogamous: Marriage and Nation Building in Western Canada to 1915, Sarah Carter (Athabasca University Press, 2008). A discussion of the ways in which the colonial ideal of monogamous marriage was used as one of many tools to disrupt Indigenous cultures and families and implement social control. 《单偶制的重要性：1915 年前加拿大西部的婚姻与国家建设》，萨拉·卡特 (Athabasca University Press, 2008)。讨论了单偶制婚姻的殖民理想如何被用作破坏原住民文化和家庭并实施社会控制的众多工具之一。
The Social Origins of Private Life: A History of American Families 1600–1900, Stephanie Coontz (Verso, 1998). A historical exploration of the diversity of family types among different racial and cultural groups and social strata beginning with the early settlement of North America, and the economic and political forces that shaped the modern ideal of the monogamous nuclear family. 《私人生活的社会起源：美国家庭史 1600–1900》，斯蒂芬妮·孔茨 (Verso, 1998)。从北美早期定居开始，对不同种族和文化群体及社会阶层中家庭类型的多样性，以及塑造现代单偶制核心家庭理想的经济和政治力量进行了历史探索。
FICTION 小说/虚构
Sense8. A two-season science fiction drama TV series created by Lana and Lilly Wachowski and J. Michael Straczynski for Netflix (2015–2018). Follows the adventures of a multinational ensemble of characters (queer and straight, cis and trans) whose senses and perceptions become interconnected across time and space, resulting in a strange (and very sexy) sort of polycule. 《超感猎杀》(Sense8)。由拉娜和莉莉·沃卓斯基以及 J·迈克尔·斯特拉辛斯基为 Netflix 创作的两季科幻剧情电视剧 (2015–2018)。讲述了一群多国角色（酷儿和直人，顺性别和跨性别）的冒险经历，他们的感官和知觉跨越时空相互连接，形成了一种奇怪（且非常性感）的多边关系网络。
The Fifth Season, N. K. Jemisin (Orbit, 2015). This first book in Jemisin’s Broken Earth Trilogy includes a very well done nonmonogamous plotline. 《第五季》，N. K. 杰米辛 (Orbit, 2015)。杰米辛《破碎的地球》三部曲的第一本书包括一条做得非常好的非单偶制情节线。
The Marketplace series, Laura Antoniou (Circlet Press, various). A cult favourite among kinksters, this multi-book series explores an underground society based on consensual ownership. Too plot-and character-driven to be simple erotica, too erotic to be regular old fiction. Nonmonogamous by default. 《市场》(The Marketplace) 系列，劳拉·安东尼奥 (Circlet Press, various)。这是性癖者中的邪典最爱，这个多册系列探索了一个基于合意所有权的地下社会。情节和人物驱动太强而不只是简单的色情作品，太色情而不能算是普通的老式小说。默认非单偶制。
SOCIAL MEDIA AND PODCASTS 社交媒体和播客
In the last decade there has been an explosion of channels on YouTube, TikTok and Instagram, as well as podcasts, focused on nonmonogamy. The list changes rapidly and we certainly don’t have a comprehensive view of everything out there, but as of the first printing of this book in 2024, a few worth looking at are Antimononormative, Evita “Lavitaloca” Sawyers, Polyamorous Black Girl, Decolonizing Love, Ready for Polyamory, PolyaMarla and Chill Polyamory (on Instagram and Tiktok); Mainely Mandy on YouTube; and the podcasts Making Polyamory Work, Multiamory and NonMonogamy Help.
在过去的十年里，YouTube、TikTok 和 Instagram 上的频道以及播客呈爆炸式增长，专注于非单偶制。这份名单变化很快，我们肯定无法全面了解外面的一切，但截至本书 2024 年首次印刷时，一些值得关注的有 Antimononormative, Evita “Lavitaloca” Sawyers, Polyamorous Black Girl, Decolonizing Love, Ready for Polyamory, PolyaMarla 和 Chill Polyamory（在 Instagram 和 Tiktok 上）；Mainely Mandy（在 YouTube 上）；以及播客 Making Polyamory Work, Multiamory 和 NonMonogamy Help。